“Where are the best places to eat in Puerto Rico?”
Many prospective travelers to this wonderful island seek gustatory advice in advance, as part of their trip planning. And this is understandable! So Messy Suitcase is here to help you eat authentically and well, in a new series, The Messy Suitcase Guide to Eating in Puerto Rico.
We are of several minds about PR meal planning. First of all, most Puerto Ricans would probably say the best place to eat is in Abuela’s (Grandma’s) kitchen.
Secondly, while you’re searching for that recommended restaurant, you may be passing ten others that are just as good or better.
Everybody’s taste is different, be it flavor, style, formality, familiarity, level of spice, authenticity, or whatever makes your tongue sing. So one person’s Michelin 5-Star restaurant may be another person’s disappointment.
Be Adventurous!
Half the fun of Puerto Rican food–or really, any country’s food–is making discoveries. You’re sunning on Playa Combate, the day is ending, you see lights of a restaurant twinkling at the north end of the beach. You wander over and stumble upon a restaurant overlooking the ocean at sunset, with excellent cocktails and unparalleled views. No recommendation necessary! Just explore.
Trying something new doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll like it, but it’s still important to be adventurous.
Example #1: Piñones
We have visited the Piñones food stands area just east of San Juan, driving along the ocean and picking out unassuming food stands from which to order traditional Puerto Rican food, prepared the way Abuela makes it.
Source: flickr.com/photos/beruff/2132545678
Visiting Piñones is a local tradition, especially on weekend afternoons. These ramshackle food stands have been operating for years. No matter which you pick, the atmosphere is rustic, to be kind. The service is slow, to be kind. The food is really greasy, to be kind. But the piña coladas are perfection. Carrying your oily lunch to the beach to picnic in the sand while watching the waves crash is an unforgettable experience, not to be missed.
You know what IS forgettable, though? The food. For example, alcapurrias (al-kuh-por-EE-yuhs) are grease-laden lumps of dough with a dash of some sort of meat or seafood. They soak into your tongue before you can swallow, then sit in your stomach and take up residence like guests who refuse to leave.
Am I sorry I had this experience? Absolutely not. It’s true Puerto Rico. (And now I know to avoid alcapurrias.)
Would I recommend it? Absolutely. (But maybe just once.)
Avoid Chinese Food
A word to the wise, though: Don’t eat Chinese food in Puerto Rico. We have had excellent Chinese food in many places, including Guadalajara, Mexico. But on the Island of Enchantment? Not once. Just don’t go there. It is universally terrible. The meat has a weird texture. The sauces are limited, and taste odd. The vegetables are sparse, and none of them are Chinese. Every dish, inexplicably, comes with a side of soggy French fries. (Gotta get that deep-fried in!) Please. Anything but this.
Food Truck Parks
The latest trend in Puerto Rico is our favorite–food truck parks.
These are brilliant for a number of reasons:
They are outdoors–no COVID fears.
They provide a wide variety of options. If you have different tastes or picky eaters in your group, you can split up and find something for everyone, then come back together to eat.
The food is cheap.
The food is freshly made to order.
They always set up pleasant covered areas to sit and enjoy your meal.
We are living in western Puerto Rico at the same time (January through March) that humpback whales are migrating, mating and birthing in the ocean at this end of the island, in the channel between us and the Dominican Republic. So we decided to book a whale watching trip. We chose Taino Divers out of Rincon, who operate a two-hour sunset cruise from Black Eagle Beach. They don’t promise you’ll see whales–they are wild animals, after all–but we saw plenty, while also enjoying a choice of cold beverages, from water and soda to rum punch!
We could have swam in the 1,000-foot-deep ocean if we had thought to wear our suits. Next time! Maybe we’ll even be able to hear whales singing underwater.
First view
Humpback whales are mammals the size of a school bus who live in the ocean. They’re called humpbacks because of the shape they take when they dive deep into the water after popping up to the surface.
Humpback
These whales hunt and feed up north in the summer, then head south to warmer waters and fast during the winter, living off their blubber while they focus on migration and mating. They travel in packs called pods, so we saw several groups swimming together.
Our guide said when we see the flippers, that means the whale is diving deep, so it’s time to look for them to emerge elsewhere.
Not sure what the point of the blowhole is. We saw those spraying into the air.
Thar she blows!
The cost was $64 pp plus tax and tip. Definitely worth it for an awesome experience! We’ll definitely be going back with our son Gavin when he visits next week.
Watch for the video!
We’ll have a whole video on the humpbacks coming out on our YouTube channel soon. You might want to take some Dramamine before watching it, because the boat was rocking in the water.
Humpback whales are not the biggest whales—that’s the blue whale. Still, humpbacks can grow to 60 feet (18 meters) long, and they can weigh a whopping 40 tons (about half the size of a blue whale), according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA). Their flippers can grow up to 16 feet long, which is the largest appendage in the world. Their tails are also massive and grow up to 18 feet (5.5 m) wide. Like most whales, females are larger than males.
Snorkeling is one of the most inspiring activities you can do. It’s a privilege to be able to float in the water alongside sea life, looking down on spectacular coral and finding yourself magically surrounded by colorful fish.
But with that freedom comes great responsibility, as Peter Parker’s gentle Uncle Ben would say. Coral is very fragile. It’s battered daily by currents, and sometimes severely damaged by hurricanes. But its greatest enemy is humanity. Whether it’s monstrous oil spills, boat engines, or the fins on your feet, coral is easily damaged and takes years to grow back. So don’t be part of the problem, and don’t damage the coral!
How to Take Care of the Reefs
Wear reef-safe sunscreen: Use reef-safe sunscreen so that you don’t put chemicals in the water that can hurt the coral. Learn more.
Maintain safe distance: Do not swim too close or touch the underwater flora and fauna.
Watch your feet: Don’t step on or kick the coral because it can destroy their growth.
Follow directions: Always follow your snorkeling guide’s instructions whenever you are in the water.
Avoid contact with marine life: Never feed, touch or remove seawater animals or plants
Swim well: By swimming well, you will be able to control your movement underwater and not step on the coral reef. If you’re not a strong swimmer or haven’t snorkeled before, wear a life vest.
Other tips: Always make sure that your snorkeling gear is adequate and comfortable.
Support Reefs: Support the conservation project in the area you are snorkeling. We joined the Rincon chapter of Surfrider.com.
In support of Ukraine, we have canceled the Russian (Blue), Ellie, from our logo.
Just kidding. We may not be drinking Russian vodka, but we could never cancel Ellie!
But Ellie is living at college with Gavin now, and isn’t traveling with us anymore. Kaylee is. And it was time for her to ascend to her rightful place on the throne … er, messy suitcase.
(Watch Bob’s YouTube video to take the hike with us.)
One of the items on Bob’s Cabo Rojo bucket list was finding the Túnel de Guaniquilla (Guaniquilla Tunnel). We had both seen tourist accounts on TripAdvisor and other websites about how horrendously difficult it is to find, and mixed reviews on whether the search was worth it. But Bob was determined. (Guanaquila is pronounced Gwah-nuh-KEE-luh.)
“After years of looking for it during our stays outside Boquerón ( only a few miles from the tunnel), we finally found the tunnel. Not worth the mosquitoes, mud and prickers to find it.”
“Finally found it. Don’t bother.”
“I had to climb a post fence that seemed to be on private property. Very narrow, overgrown path that eventually opens up a little.”
It turns out that these people were making the mistake of seeking the tunnel as a drive-by tourist attraction on their way to somewhere else. This is how it the entrance looks from the winding road they were searching from:
Easy to miss!
So imagine our delight when we decided to hike in Punta Guaniquilla Nature Reserve, and when Lisa pulled out her AllTrails app to examine the trails from the southernmost trailhead, she discovered an offshoot on the map that looked like it might lead to the tunnel.
We found adequate parking at the trailhead after following Google Maps on Lisa’s phone to get to it. The sign at the entrance was not promising, as it didn’t show hide or hair of a tunnel. But we forged ahead, following Alltrails and our instincts.
No tunnel on this map
The actual tunnel is .6 miles from the trailhead, but we extended the hike by taking the trails toward the water, then came back around and trekked toward the tunnel.
We saw some really interesting plants on the way.
Then we saw the first homemade sign that said we were on the right path:
The Guaniquilla Tunnel is carved out of a rocky hillside, with dramatic cliffs on both sides of the trail leading to it. It was used for trains to transport sugar cane.
According to Expedia, this was one of the first tunnels built for Puerto Rico’s old rail network that previously crossed the island. For the first 50 years of the 20th century, trains were a popular method of travel here, but they fell into disuse and left behind landmarks such as this hidden hillside tunnel.
Anyone who thinks it’s not worth the hike has no appreciation of nature’s splendor or what man has wrought to tame it. Go!
Wear good, non-slippery water shoes and a bathing suit if you decide to visit Gozalandia Falls, because you will not be able to keep from jumping into the enticing pool at the foot of this huge waterfall! The main waterfall is truly amazing, at least 50 feet tall, and there are several places where you can climb up and jump in (at your own risk). Or just swim in the pool at the bottom, watching fish swim around your feet.
There is a cement sidewalk and stairs to lead you to the main falls and several above, plus you can just walk in the creekbed.
The drive to get to Gozalandia on narrow, winding mountain roads is not for the faint of heart, which is the only reason you might consider paying a guide to take you. Otherwise, just set out on your own and navigate carefully! It’s about 1 1/2 from San Juan in San Sebastien.
The gate is open from 10 AM-6 PM, and there is a $10 charge for parking. Go early to avoid the crowds, though the community feel of lots of people watching each other swim and jump has its own appeal. Make sure you take time to enjoy a drink and snack at the end of the day in the little restaurant by the parking lot, which overlooks a green pond populated by turtles.
Be aware that the falls can be dangerous if there’s a lot of rain, so use caution and common sense.
Amazingly, the actual Guajataca Tunnel (pronounced gwa-hah-TAH-kah) was the least interesting part of this hike. And the tunnel was fantastic! But, as always happens when you’re as open to new discoveries, we found so much more.
We hiked through the tunnel and westward along rocky cliffs, with dazzling turquoise sea to our right.
We forked left and crossed a butterfly meadow, filled with plants that attract and feed those lovely insects, such as calotropis procera, and oplonia spinosa, almendro (terminalia catappa), jayajbico (erithalis fruticose). Here are the ones we saw, plus a caterpillar of unknown type.
We later learned it was in fact a frangipani worm and not a caterpillar at all. They can grow up to 6 inches long, travel in hordes, do an incredible amount of damage, and eventually turn into big brown moths.
Puerto Rico does have its own species of monarch butterfly called the macho monarca, which doesn’t migrate. Unfortunately, it doesn’t pose for pictures, either! But here’s one from USDA.
The macho monarca can also be found in the Virgin Islands, Cuba, the Cayman Islands, St. Lucia and Jamaica.
We found a posterboard about this butterfly and its diet when we exited the tunnel back into the park.
Hiking back along the ocean, powerful waves exploded against jagged boulders rising up from the shallow sea. We passed several remnants of wooden boats that we speculated might have carried aspiring migrants across the ocean from Haiti.
We also found wooden steps, yawning caves, a few creatures, and even a lone dead crab, perfectly preserved on the sand.
LizardRed-billed oyster catcher
The tunnel itself, which connects the towns of Quebradillas and Isabela, is a remnant of the sugar cane era, when trains were used to transport sugar cane from the farms in the area.
Local artists have given walls some color with murals, and we found local artisans and food vendors.
The white-sand PlayaGuajataca beside it, protected by a glorious grove of palm trees, stretched east to a campground and river. Settle into your beach chairs and you will enjoy a lot of shade and gorgeous cliff views.
Crashboat Beach has something for everyone — a gentle surf that beckons children in donut floats as much as adults drinking piña coladas, shady areas for relaxing, warm sand for sunbathing, a fascinating old pier jutting out into the water that teens love to jump off, food trucks with pinchos (kebabs) and smoothies, and amazing sunset views. But what Lisa found most interesting was UNDER the water!
Our exciting hike into the Cueva del Viento (Cave of the Wind) took a potentially disastrous turn when we ventured too far into the pitch-black cave and couldn’t find our way out.
We found ourselves grappling with very dark thoughts as we walked in endless circles, listening to bats screech overhead and willing our flashlights not to stop working, while we looked for anything familiar to help us escape the cave.
The Cueva del Viento is found at the end of a popular trail in Guajataca State Forest on the northeastern town of Isabela, Puerto Rico. If you go, make sure you take a good flashlight, tell someone where you are going, and don’t go in too deep.
We thought the rickety stairs down into the cave were the dangerous part.
Traveling in retirement is not all sweetness and light, despite what Messy Suitcase’s social media might suggest. We post photos from beautiful beaches and interesting places, but usually don’t share the logistics of how we got there. Or how we ran from the beach to the car because of a sudden unexpected downpour. Or about the fact that I am currently nursing a broken rib from tripping on a root and falling during a hike. There are plenty of obstacles and inconveniences to our traveling retirement that we grapple with daily, just like there were when we still worked.
We decided it was time to share a few, to give our lifestyle some balance, in this new series, Trouble in Paradise. In Part 1, we focus on transportation.
Flying
Leaving DC. The views are amazing, even if the flights are a pain.
Air transportation is an unavoidable hassle if you’re going to live a traveling life. As soon as we arrive in a place, we have to start planning how and when we are going to get to the next one. We fly almost exclusively on Southwest Airlines right now, because we have thousands of airline miles and a Companion Pass good through the end of 2022. This helps keep our retirement life affordable. But it’s not always convenient, especially in the time of COVID.
For example, in January we booked a flight back to the United States from Puerto Rico for May 3, 2022. Last week, Southwest changed it so egregiously that the second leg was the day before the first, a physical impossibility. It took hours to fix this, including long telephone wait times, until they finally fixed the glitchy website so we could change the flight online. Then, two days later, they changed the flight again! We were originally going to arrive in DC at 8 PM. At this point, it’s 10:15 PM. I can’t wait to see what happens next (she said sarcastically).
Traveling during COVID times means securing the right kind of COVID-19 tests (as specified by the airline or the government of the place you’re entering), getting them administered correctly, with results returned in the specified time frame, filling out all airline COVID forms, making sure we have the safest masks to protect us, and choosing seats near the back of the plane (the safest part).
Packing
Fitting everything you need for three or four months of life into your luggage is difficult as well, especially if your lifestyle includes snorkeling and other athletic pursuits. Alas, my bike doesn’t fit in my suitcase, but I pack bike shorts and a helmet for when I am able to rent a bike. My tennis shoes fit, and just one tennis outfit, but I have to rent a racket at the club where I play. And speaking of shoes, while I am no Carrie Bradshaw, I cannot travel for months on end without all of my favorite Aetrex sandals! As well as running shoes. And hiking shoes. And Keens for the beach. It adds up.
Kaylee helping pack
And then there’s the TRX home workout equipment, and a yoga mat, for staying strong and flexible, even while on the road. There’s snorkel gear. There’s the cat’s stuff, toys and litter box, bowls, and food. There’s jewelry. And my computer and tablet. And chargers. Sweaters and pants for cool evenings. bathing suits and goggles. Vitamins and medication. Toiletries. A hair drier.
I think you get the picture. We pack as light as possible, but it’s still a lot of stuff.
Getting Around
When we were living in Mexico, we drove our covered Toyota Tacoma down from the United States, after retrofitting the back latches of the cap to secure our possessions. We would then park where we were living, and rely as much as possible on public transit or Uber.
Public transit can really simplify life, but first, it complicates it, because you have to learn how it works in every city. How much does a ride cost? Bus or subway? Do you get a ticket? Pay cash? Exact change? A Metrocard? An app on your phone? Where are the stops or stations? What are the hours? What about transfers? Safety? How do you get from Point A to Point B? There’s a trip planning app called Moovit that really helps with this. Google Maps also helps chart a public transit route.
Uber is another great resource – better than cabs, in our opinion, because it’s more secure, and you know before the car arrives what it will cost to take you to your destination, and many drivers are happy to share their recommendations for restaurants, neighborhoods to visit and local experiences.
But we often need to rent a car. It’s a huge expense, and finding one that doesn’t break the bank when you are staying for months at a time is really hard. Last year, we found a deal on Enterprise after searching for weeks. Then, when we arrived in Puerto Rico, they told us we would have to bring the car back to San Juan International Airport every month to renew it. Since we were traveling to the east end of the island, that was a huge inconvenience. So on the renewal day, we spent an afternoon searching for an Enterprise local to our lodging, had that worker call San Juan, and got the car extended – we hoped.
A couple of weeks later, we found a $150 ticket on the car for expired registration. They had given us a car for three months without making sure the registration would last the duration! Bob got pulled over again the following week for the same issue, but was able to talk his way out of a ticket. We spent the last few weeks dodging police traffic stops so that we wouldn’t get another ticket. We got Enterprise to cover the cost of the ticket, in the end, though I thought they might blame us because we had not brought the car to San Juan in person after a month as instructed.
Damage and Destruction
We took that first car, a Ford Focus I believe, on a rutted dirt road to a deserted beach and managed to loosen the front left quarter panel, then spent the next two months pushing it back in place daily. The car was a very low rider, and every bump in the road scraped that damned quarter panel. (We noticed that most cars had the same problem; roads in Puerto Rico can be very bad.) In the end, there was an insurance claim on the car, which was covered by a combination of our USAA Auto Insurance and the coverage provided by American Express. Still, a hassle!
We are currently renting from Avis at a low(ish) rate I secured through Priceline. The first car they gave us had a nonworking cigarette lighter, which we needed to power our GPS. (We had discovered there are dead spots in the mountains and will no longer travel without the GPS. See Packing for why this is an inconvenient solution.) We took the car back immediately and got upgraded to the only other car on the lot, a Hyundai Tucson SUV, which is actually way better for Puerto Rican driving.
But … five weeks into our stay this time, Bob looked at the front wheel and saw this:
Check out that gouge, one of several. And the cracks!
Holy shit! We were driving on a grossly defective tire that looked like it could explode catastrophically at any time! We called Avis Roadside Assistance in Puerto Rico. Busy signal. FOR TWO DAYS. We called the local Avis, at Aguadilla Airport, 20 minutes away. Non-stop ringing, or busy signal. FOR TWO DAYS. We called Avis in the United States. They connected us to US Roadside Assistance, who told us to call PR Roadside Assistance. I sent an email to Avis. They apologized for any inconvenience – four days later – told us to call PR Roadside Assistance. I lost all my hair pulling it out in frustration.
In the end, we just drove to the damned airport, where of course, the solitary Avis employee was not coming in for another hour. We went out to lunch, returned, and a miracle happened. The man at the desk made a phone call, gave us instructions to a gomera (tire place), and the tire was changed before we had time to finish piña coladas at a bar down the road.
Speaking of Tickets
We found a ticket on our car again last week when we returned to it after a day at the beach. I knew the registration wasn’t expired – it was the first thing I had checked. Puerto Rican traffic tickets are almost impossible to decipher, but I finally figured out that we had parked facing the wrong direction, and had to pay $50. It would be knocked down to $35 if we paid within 2 weeks.
Who can read this?
But how to pay? There was no website, no address to mail. Off to Mr. Google! I found guidance here – and learned that you have to pay in person – isn’t this 2022, people? – at a place called CESCO (the Motor Vehicles Department). There’s a CESCO Office near the Avis place in Aguadilla, so we went there after getting our new tire. The CESCO person sent us to another office, Hacienda (Finance department), at the other end of the same strip mall, where we joined a socially-distanced outdoor line of people holding boletos (tickets).
While Bob waited, I bought breakfast pastries at the bakery next store, and on the way back noticed a barcode on the Hacienda door that would have allowed us to schedule our appointment in advance and not wait in line. It would have been nice to know about that! But we were there already, in line, and hoped we were close enough to the front to get in before the office closed for the day at 3:30 PM (although the website said it closed at 5.) We were fortunate to be the last people allowed in! And both the door monitor and the woman behind the desk (one of only two people working inside) were extremely helpful friendly and spoke English. The woman did warn us to make sure we provided the car rental agency with evidence this ticket was paid so they wouldn’t try to charge us for it again.
Meanwhile, Back in the States
Since we flew to PR from Washington National Airport, our Toyota Tacoma is parked in an underground garage in Crystal City, VA, for what I considered a very reasonable monthly rate of $130. I did a lot of research to find this low rate at this convenient location. Imagine my surprise when I received an email from SpotHero last month, two weeks after I parked the car there, telling me the rate was going up to $200 – a 50% increase – beginning the very next month! Obviously, there is no way to move this car out of the garage until we return. We just have to suck it up. And though I wrote a scathing email to SpotHero, I received no response and have no recourse but to pay until we take the car out on May 4.
